just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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