yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
well you can't waste a boner
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
