I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
