After last night, I could never be a politician.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
