she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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