Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They took my balls.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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