The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
