I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
