Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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