my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
