Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize