Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
this boner is exhausting
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
