What a fucking waste of an outfit
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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