hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
