I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
