She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You left your phone here
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