I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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