So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize