Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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