she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
