I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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