I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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