You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
