just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
