No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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