i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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