she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
