I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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