Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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