My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize