From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
