I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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