Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
