i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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