WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
