I want to stick my p in your. b.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
