Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The best walk of shames are on the highway
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
