So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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