I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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