The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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