got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
