She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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