just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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