Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
being pregnant is like rehab
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
