Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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