dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
