I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
