She is in my trunk
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
