Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
