I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
