they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
ugly people sure do ruin things
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize