I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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