The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
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So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
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Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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