it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
and you fell through a lawn chair
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
