I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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