My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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