New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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