Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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