guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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