One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
