Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
