I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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