Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
