so let's talk penis.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
