You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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