my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
