Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
