Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
