is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
