my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
