I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize