Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
