Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Rumble strips road head = magical
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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