Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
