what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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