I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
