just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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