I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
