I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
