And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
