Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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