erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
